What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize