i love accidental penises.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
