Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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