Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
