So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
