is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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