nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
