I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize