Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
