Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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