My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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