I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
