The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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