I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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