That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
