What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
