Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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