Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
