break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
