just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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