So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
