he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
