even my farts smell like vagina
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
