just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
