I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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