the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
