Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
