dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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