i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
