Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize