This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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