i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
