I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
