But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
