I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
