Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
