Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
