Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
