I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
