know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
