I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
