OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
