She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up under a house in Key West
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
