Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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