You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
