Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
