Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
