Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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