if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
