Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sarcasm needs its own font
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
