ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
