He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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