reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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