At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
