I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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