rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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