At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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