i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
