You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
