Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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