hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
