you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
