I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
