Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
