What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
