I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
