I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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