So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
