So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize