I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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