How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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