Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
