I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
