even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
