drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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