Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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