Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
