some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
