Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
