Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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