I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize