12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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