He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
