i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
