i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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