CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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