she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm both gender and math confused
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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