Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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