I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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