its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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