I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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