It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
