I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found puke in my bra..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
