So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
