I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
