also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
