Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize